Cause the sun will come through, anyday now.... anyday

I'm still in the funk. I don't understand what it is... I've totally lost the zest I had for my job. It's not a bad job at all. If it wasn't paying so poorly it'd be a great job. Something is wrong with *me*. I'm distracted, overly tired, and knowing that Richard has his anxiety disorder makes it even worse. Knowing that Mark is into money problems makes it worse. Knowing Linda would quit the D&D group if it wasn't for me makes it worse. Knowing I'm not very productive with my review coming up is making it worse. My stupid computer issues are making it worse.

The revelation that Mark and Richard used to complain and be downright mean about each other behind each others' backs is also kind of disturbing. It makes me wonder what kind of shit they've said about me. I guess not everyone can have my flowery lenses. It's also extremely difficult to properly converse with Richard when he brings up Linda. He can't understand why he can't win with her, and I can barely control myself and keep myself from releasing all my fury. But, I manage to keep calm with thoughts like, he's sick and terrified right now, it's probably not the best time to confront him.

I think this is the whole problem with the gang's group dynamic: Everyone has been really nice to me. All the horrible stories I've heared about how they treat each other... none of them are directed towards me. I don't really understand the protective veil that's been shielding me from these horrors, and I'm not even sure I'm glad to have it. Maybe I'm so dumb that I don't realize when people I care about do horrible things to me. I'm like that puppy you can just keep kicking but he'll still come back.