The cat came back...

Not exactly the very next day, but Leo is back!!! I wonder if my prayer did anything... is this providence?

I'm in some sort of videogame funk... I've quit Warcraft cold turkey, I've been kinda obsessing over Sims 2, but... I find myself not wanting to play it when i'm really tired. I think about starting SW:KoToR, but it seems like a long endeavour that I can't bring myself to get into. Something is wrong with me.

DDR Extreme comes out tomorrow.

I interviewed my first candidate with my VP. I added some tough questions and she didn't exactly answer those questions to my satisfaction. Are these questions unfair? They're purely analytical...

How many McDonald's are there in Ontario?
List 3 reasons why manhole covers are round.

Should I commit or should I go?

I declare today... as D&D-Day! Hakan is going to blow some minds tonight. Possibly sell his dreams to some strange merchant. Tasty.

I had some dream last night. My scalp had many great big pimples on it, and I for a moment thought that I shouldn't have short hair with skin like that, and then I thought, "whatever". And this bee wouldn't leave me alone and I was petrified. It as crawling all over me and I cowered on the ground with my hands on the back of my head until it went away. I don't remember it going away. Nads said I had a disturbed sleep all night and she woke me multiple times. She did not sleep well either, apparently.

I can't describe how much I hate seeing that messages are waiting on my phone when I come into work. Potentially the worst things happen after you're gone or before you come in. I dread checking those messages. Today it was okay though.. just Elwell calling in sick.

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing?

No Leo yet.

I wonder how the fact that people can read these logs is affecting my writing, or maybe even affecting my ability to be open and honest here. I wonder how it affects anyone with similar journals. In the back of our minds, we know that whatever we record has the possibility of going back to the people we write about.

It was strange today. Sabrina was supposed to come over, but she disappeared for ever and didn't respond. I was going to call her but I figured she was busy. I think I was right... she didn't reply to my query about what she was doing tonight and logged off. Such power in IMs and emails...

Nads' mom and dad came over and we celebrated her mom's birthday. We didn't do a whole lot, but she seemed to be happy. We all took a nap at one point or another... that was pretty bizarre.

So I can finally see where you go when you're gone

As predicted, the Jays sucked big time. Even though we sat in row 2 on the first base side, I would've had a better time playing NWN and Sims 2. I finally finished Microserfs though... I think I'm going to buy it, I liked it so much! As a software developer I spent the entire time trying to locate different aspects of my geekdom. I wonder what it's like to work in a campus and live in group housing though. Hmm.

DDR Extreme arrives at the end of this month. There are a couple of interesting songs.. Go West (Pet Shop Boys), YMCA (Village People), and The Reflex (Duran Duran), but I was really hoping for some of the classics.. Dub I Dub and Butterfly to name a couple. Ah well.. I guess I should just try and track down the PS1 versions.

I prayed yesterday on my way home from the game. It seemed like a good time to do it. Prayer is the last refuge of the scoundrel, according to Lisa Simpson. Most people believe it should be done in private. But we are the church, we are the body, and I will pray anywhere I want to.

She left her head for a boy in a magazine

No news of Leo. There should be some kind of zine for lost or missing pets.

Yesterday I bought Sims 2. I played it for a bit. It's absolutely hilarious and amazing. But of course, Nads was controlling most of the action (back seat player!) and forced me to recreate us. It's cool how you can start off with a relationship now, so of course we're married. And of course, I have the Knowledge aspirations while she has family. We did a pretty decent job of recreating ourselves, too. Our house is kinda shabby, and some guy in a jogging suit totally robbed our Simoleons from our money tree! Man, if that game had violence I would've pushed it to an M-Rating right there. There are a billion improvements so I suggest you go get it right now if you're into that kind of thing.

Last night I also submitted my code for the Google Code Jam. Today the System testing crashed my 1000 point question though. How lame. I bet it was because it was a little inefficient and went over 8 seconds rather than it being wrong. It's so right. =P It's nice to see only 10 people passed the system test for that one though. Too bad I did so poorly on the easier question (it survived the system test though). I suck.

I'm going to a Jays game tonight. They suck, too. Man, I'm just surrounded by suck. My videocard sucks.

We're now fully in gear to hire people. I called some guy who left a resume with another department before but he didn't respond. I'm going to be the coolest interviewer ever. Definitely on the top of my question list:

What is your favourite movie?
What is your favourite book?
What was the most interesting project you've ever worked on and why did it interest you?

Two of the internals applied, and they are both friends with Elwell, who was hired here in June. Coincidence? It's a little worrisome. And of course silly Keith didn't apply. He still feels obligated to stay on his team, while someone else from his own team is applying! What a world. I'm still mourning that I'm not allowed to hire Ellen.

We all want something beautiful

I wish I was beautiful.

Last night was so ineffable in many ways. What would've been a regular get together and watch Canada kick ass at hockey night turned out to be a search for Linda's runaway indoor cat. I don't mind and I'm glad I got to help out of course, but it's so bizarre. The cat is spoiled in that household.
I feel so sorry for Linda. I'd be so upset if Bebe had run away. I can't imagine what it'll be like when he dies...
Searching for a cat by constantly calling its name is totally ineffective. But what else could we do? We stuffed some 'Missing' flyers in some neighbours' mailboxes... hopefully things will turn out for the best. It upsets me so much whenever Linda is so upset. But I don't think she'd be that upset if I went missing. Heck, she wouldn't even notice.

It all comes back to me in the end. There are times when Linda purposefully distances us, and it hurts. I had bought a case of Vanilla Coke for her, and she is the only person who drinks it. Last night she said that she planned on replacing every can she has consumed. I guess I'm not even familiar enough to give her casual things. Also, she told me I can go to her house and watch the game instead of helping her search for Leo. My name is Don; I'm a total ass.

As I was walking back from delivering my stack of missing posters, I saw Mark's arm around Linda's shoulders comforting her in front of their house. I wasn't sure if I should continue going towards them. Something told me it was a bad idea but I did it anyway. I'm not any good at comforting, so I probably just screwed things up.

During a pizza dinner which Jason (Linda's roomate) was good enough to pay for, I found out that not only is Linda made-for-TBS-movie junkie, but she watches the Swan. How... ineffable. And Mark watches the Swan too. I felt like they both just announced that they were homosexual or something. And they made fun of me for liking Resident Evil.

I kick in like a turbo booster

I broke down and jumped on another bandwagon. My identity becomes clearer the more I blur it within someone else's. I signed up for GMail. It looks decent.. the idea of starred messages is intriguing, and it is something that Rogers Yahoo! Mail does not have.

I like to experiment on people. Ever since I was a kid... I think most people have done it... stop calling someone just to see how long it'd take them to notice. I read in Microserfs that most people are too involved in their own lives to notice or think about another person's. I think this journal may help with that.

I am so low on empathy, and the main computer system will be down for an hour! The entire office is idle. Our busy bonus is draining with every second...

I wonder how this whole roleplaying thing is going to pan out. Richard still hasn't said a word about it. There are all these secret negotiations going on that I'm not party to. Maybe I shouldn't be party to. I'm sure Linda thinks I'm unworthy to handle anything from now on.

The Sims 2 was reviewed on GameSpot! How hot.. that means it'll be out soon... mmmmm. Ooh, and I'm almost down NWN: Hordes of the Underdark. What a great expansion. Much better than the Shadows of Undrentide even though that had some interesting elements. And I've got all the sexy ladies in my party.

Must you betray me with a kiss?

I've been thinking again. Hold on to your seat.

It is boggling how well Nads and I co-operate. She really fills in my gaps. She is the Keeper of the Physical. She cooks and makes sure I take my vitamins and everything else to ensure that my body stays healthy. She makes me use shaving cream. I am the Keeper of the Abstract. I'm much more concerned about reading and thinking about things and growing the mind. I explain the ethical, mathematical, or scientific concepts she doesn't grasp or know. I write the poetry.

I had a really good thought today on my way to work, but I've lost it amidst the deadlines and meetings and the fixing and the coding. Damn.

Ah yes, boundaries. There's something special about boundaries. And I don't mean only in the geographical, spatial sense, but even with time. Think of midnight. All kinds of things are to be believed about the border between one day to the next. Think of New Year's, or Birthdays (the boundary from one person's age to the next). For whatever reason, boundaries have power. Funerals.

But if you think about it, time is nothing but boundaries. Every unit of time is a boundary between that moment and another. It's a series of dividers blurred so tightly that it looks cohesive. We live in finely discretized units. We're not continuous, and we're not cohesive and this may be why.

I'm just a man whose intentions are good

Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

I realize that all my posts are pretty self-indulgent and whiny so far, so I'm going to force myself to journalize at least one good point about everyone I can think of.

Nadine: Loyal. Determined.

Richard: Charismatic. Fun.

Linda: Good values. Radical.

Mark: Intelligent. Nice.

Keith: Loyal. Nice.

Ellen: Organized. Respectful daughter.

Sabrina: Initiatative(?)

Paul: Strong. Logical

Marc: Generous.

Jen: Nice. Pragmatic.

You can be my everything

I just moved into my new office. It's pretty sweet. It's kind of weird watching people walk by your office all the time, though. Many people are congratulating me... some that haven't. It kind of feels like being a Prom Queen. More like a Prom King... and I'm not saying that because of the gender, but rather being a Prom King seems to matter a lot less to the Prom King than being Prom Queen does to the Prom Queen, and in that respect I'm more like the Prom King. Still, some people have been really encouraging and it's nice.

Last night I watched Canada wipe the floor with Slovakia in the World Cup. I'm telling you, when Czech Slovakia divided into two countries Slovakia got the short end of the hockey stick. I can just imagine the draft when the country sundered:

Czech Republic: "We'll take Jagr."
Slovakia: "We'll take... Lasak."

Linda and Mark got into more arguments than usual. They get so intense about it in the moment but it's usually alright a little later. It was over a couple of very silly things: Whether what someone estimated to be the square miles required by landfill 1 thousand years from now is viable, and whether the term turtling means blocking or crouching. For the most part I stayed out of it, but it seems to me that Linda doesn't listen accurately. And she feels patronized a lot. Or maybe she just uses that as a weapon to make Mark feel bad. After the second fight broke out we played Tekken in silence.

Back on yesterday's theory about trying to make all of our perspectives throughout time converge: What if desire is the result of something even greater than that? What if desire comes from trying to converge all our conscious and subconscious through parallel dimensions? (ie, my desire or discontent is because I can't reconcile my consciousness with an alternate dimension me). Mind-blowing.

The Greater Craftsman

I don't know if I'm doing this blogging thing all wrong. Maybe it'd be more effective - more appropriate - if I do it for the same day rather than the previous day. Things are always different the next day. Perhaps this explains desire... desire is what results because we can't get today and tomorrow's perspectives to converge.

Desire in this sense is somewhat like discontent.

Mark has this really annoying habit of not ever answering questions you ask him after he's busy. I don't mind him not answering immediately, but he doesn't even get back to you on it. Or say he doesn't want to say, if that's what he's thinking. I asked him about what we're doing today about the World Cup game, and if he has Swedish. I asked him twice. Maybe it's me.

Our regular roleplaying group might be getting together again. I'm quite excited even though I won't be surprised if there's some other stoppage. Richard still thinks we were upset because he missed a few sessions. I guess listening/reading is not his strong suit. I'm going to print out those 4 page psionic character sheets instead of the messed up retarded sized ones that I have. It's embarrassing, like when you went to school and your pencil case was less cool than everyone else's.

Everything is so binary now... I find it awkward but appropriate at the same time to have to alter my everyday speaking patterns, just like I did in the last paragraph. If I'm talking to someone on an Instant Messenger (IM), am I supposed to represent the other person as listening or reading? Or maybe receiving messages? data? The digital age is consuming and our vocabulary is catching up, but probably not fast enough. I think it's funny when people see the computer or use technical terms to metaphorically represent their lives because so many real life terms and objects are metaphorically adapted for computers. Life imitating computers imitating life.

Licorice whips

Today we only had only a half day of work. Hurrah! Almost everyone was either away or working from home anyway. A group of employees were going out for drinks right after work, but they had not invited me. They invited Reg though, which is the usual. Aishah caught me as I was leaving work and invited me, but I didn't feel right going since I wasn't originally invited. Is that pride? I guess it is.

I have to wait until Wednesday to officially take over my office and move into the Software Development Manager position. I hope to get some of that Dale Carnegie Leadership training soon.

I don't think I can help but be happy. Sometimes, I'm momentarily sad, like when Nadine and I fight about something, but I'm still the happiest person I know. Nads is a huge part of that, of course, but I sometimes wonder if I could be happy if she wasn't around. And if I couldn't, would I have been too harsh in dealing with people who are desperate for companionship? I'm not sure. I have a cornucopia of love to give, and not having an outlet might upset me more than a little. Anyway, sometimes I think about things, and think about whether I should be upset by them or not, or why I'm not upset about things. Maybe I'm inhuman. A machine. A simple object. Zeroes and Ones.

I think I'm growing bored of Warcraft. Time to catch up on that stack of games that I've been wanting to play.

Today my mom, Nads, and I celebrated Keith's birthday at the Mongolian Grill. He ate soooo much. I ate an excessive amount as well, and grew tired immediately. I wonder what kind of person would fall in love with Keith, and if there is such a person out there. There are certain aspects of his personality that are so unattractive, that might belong to a supporting alien in a movie. The supporting role would mean that he is totally uninterested in love and focused on other goals, so that the audience will never question his outrageous characteristics that would make him unbelievable or unlovable. But he is such a nice guy. A product of rural New Brunswick.

At this restaurant, I received a lesson from my waiter who nearly took my plate when I wasn't done. He told me to "eat, don't talk". He walked away before I could tell him to fuck off. Jackass.

I think I'm in the mood for a little lyric:

Today, I found god
Toosday, sigh frowned pod
Tuesday, my crowned cod

My Seven Ideal Jeopardy Categories

I wonder what they are. I'm thinking of some possibilites, namely:

• Tekken
• D&D Rules
• Common Grammatical Errors
• Interview Skills
• Making Stuff Up
• Web Development
• Frankenstein Philosophy (Mixing and matching to make your own)

I'm not sure the last one qualifies. I'm not sure I qualify for any of them.

I don't know why I instigate, or say what I don't mean

Last night Linda, Mark and I got together to watch Canada kick the crap out of the US. It was a satifying victory. Then Linda proceeded to kick the crap out of us in Tekken. It was a horrid defeat... Linda has all my getting-up psychology worked out in that game.

Reg didn't come in yesterday, and my VP expressed worry that he may be thinking about leaving the company. I hope he doesn't, but he has to do what's best for him.

Mark and I realized the awesome extent to which Batman applies to real life during the hockey game. We admired the way people rushed to the defense of our goalie who was being mistreated by the brutish Americans. We both agreed that vigilante justice should be allowed on the ice, as long as no guns were involved. A Batman philosophy.

Just before I got out of the car, I said to Linda that I hope she enjoyed herself and that it wasn't too painful for her to get together. I hope she didn't take that the wrong way - I'm genuinely concerned.