Zombies win "thriller" in SO

Last night, Dany Heatley netted his first goal as a Zombie in a 4-3 shootout win over their conference rivals the San Jose Sharks. You could not tell that the goal won't count on the statistics though.

"I just carried some speed into the zone and shot it as hard as I could," Heatley explained modestly. "I got a bit lucky."

The skilled 26 year-old winger joined the Zombies in a blockbuster trade that saw Sergei Samsonov, who had only played two games with the team, head the other way. The move was the last of a series of roster-shattering moves that surprised many hockey fans.

"I thought we were done when we got rid of Thornton and acquired Satan, but apparently management had some other demonic plans in mind," laughed Wes Craven (maniacally).

The Zombies had sent the oldest member of the FNG line, Jason Spezza, and the Offensive Dynamo, Nick Shultz, to the Penguins in return for the big centre, but promptly made a three-way trade to acquire the players back.

"It's nice to be a Zombie again. Less thinking," jokes Spezza in a light practice yesterday. "I was really getting attached to Moncton and I hope to never leave again."

Team co-captain Patrick Marleau looks to rejoin his teammates sometime this week after being mauled in the ankle by linemate Iginla. "I heard the whistle but I guess Iggy was just caught up in a bloodlust. The next thing I knew I was out 2-4 weeks."

"I don't know what happened," Iginla protests guiltily. "I swear I didn't do anything."

The injury-ridden zombies will be missing their top two centres next game, as well as Iginla. Coach Craven suspects foul play. "Some of our rivals may have employed some clerics to rebuke or command us. I hope the league investigates."