I don't ever want to feel, like I did that day

The recent computer stupidness I've been suffering through will be termed and put into a book in the Bible. When a modern Ramses refuses to let the Jews go, he will experience what I'm going through right now.

I think I am going to be overflowing with sadness and guilt. I have been so negligent towards Linda and she has been feeling left out of the gang. All these years we've been together and she still doesn't have faith that I'd never abandon her. We had one of our randomly long palavers, except this time she was the one who initiated it. I knew something was wrong when she asked about Nads. =P

Our conversations are bizarrely one sided, not that I mind. And I think I'm positively being paranoid here, but all we talk about is her. I mean, that's what I want to talk about, because I want to know more about her, but she never asks a single thing about me. I throw out some random things connecting myself and the topic just to locate myself in the conversation... next time I won't mention a single word about me and see how it goes. It's interesting as an indicator of what she thinks of me, I think. She did say she wants me to be happy, though, and that makes me feel great.

I am having trouble sleeping. Declaring this comes with a great level of guilt, as I'm sure it's nowhere near what Mark's been experiencing for the past year or so, and I feel I have no right to complain. Something is not right with me, though. I'm entirely fucked up in a fundamentally cosmic way. And Linda just told me something that I will never forget. I want to cry and hurt someone when I think about it. Heaven help me, I really don't know what to do.