Too long overdue, it's true, i'm out of control

I've started reading JPod today. Microserfs is a great book and I loved it. It's hard not to like it as a Software Developer and a nerd at heart. It's like someone took the time to write about you, and about your quirks and about the way you think. So I'm really looking forward to this one, even though I don't work for a game company.

I will discuss the book in various posts, but I will always warn about spoilers. So here we go: SPOILERS BELOW.

---

Engineers aren't funny or cute or nerdy. They're damaged.

The older the culture is, the less cutesy it is about saying, "Well, you're a winner because you tried your best." Can you imagine a Chinese person saying that?

It's so easy to locate myself in this book that it feels a bit like cheating. The opening stream of consciousness section is entertaining, and gives that quality of intimacy. I was just discussing with Arwen yesterday how it's those little thoughts that create intimacy. Anyone can share general thoughts and big moments together, but it's the little thoughts and little moments, from being together all the time or sharing thoughts all the time that really... bond. Then, I guess I encourage certain people to tell me everything they're thinking, even the little thoughts, because I crave intimacy with them. I'm damaged.

This leads me to another musing I've had on and off for a while: the internet and connectivity of the world in general is trending society towards more diluted and shallow relationships. It has become a quantitative goal rather than qualitative. In the world of Facebook, it's no longer necessary to cultivate specific relationships. There is no need to be intimate with people. For example, it used to be that kids would hang out. They would hang out for the sake of hanging out, even if they had nothing to do and they were bored, they would be together and learn how to coexist in boring times. They'd try to entertain themselves with each other. Over the internet this will not happen. If I am "hanging out" or talking to someone online, you can guarantee that they are probably doing or thinking about something else. If things get boring they can just go play another game or talk to someone else. The lack of dependency causes a gap in the bonding process. I think this is why the gang is so strong. We were dependent on each other every weekend, and we got together for good or ill. And for my part, I try to recreate this over all my new friendships, and it's not working. No one needs or wants to be intimate with me. I have always preferred to be intimate and share my resources with a select few rather than get into the whole social acquaintances mess. What do I have now?

Now that I'm started, I guess I might as well express my increasing loneliness from not being able to hang out with my friends. Jas is terrific and great and really fantastically adorable, but going from hanging out with my friends every weekend to nothing is... impactful. They do not come to visit, some have not even asked to visit. Not that I have much to entertain them with my 20" CRT, but... I guess this goes back to my feelings above.

I feel like I've run out of gas and probably won't be doing the second quote justice. The statement infers that practicality wins out in the end. It's true that Chinese people would only laugh at you for failing, because success is everything in that culture (practical for a nation of over a billion people). And yet, they hold on to such crazy and impractical traditions and superstitions. It's one giant paradox wrapped in a mystery wrapped in an enigma.

So I can finally see where you go when you're gone

As predicted, the Jays sucked big time. Even though we sat in row 2 on the first base side, I would've had a better time playing NWN and Sims 2. I finally finished Microserfs though... I think I'm going to buy it, I liked it so much! As a software developer I spent the entire time trying to locate different aspects of my geekdom. I wonder what it's like to work in a campus and live in group housing though. Hmm.

DDR Extreme arrives at the end of this month. There are a couple of interesting songs.. Go West (Pet Shop Boys), YMCA (Village People), and The Reflex (Duran Duran), but I was really hoping for some of the classics.. Dub I Dub and Butterfly to name a couple. Ah well.. I guess I should just try and track down the PS1 versions.

I prayed yesterday on my way home from the game. It seemed like a good time to do it. Prayer is the last refuge of the scoundrel, according to Lisa Simpson. Most people believe it should be done in private. But we are the church, we are the body, and I will pray anywhere I want to.

I kick in like a turbo booster

I broke down and jumped on another bandwagon. My identity becomes clearer the more I blur it within someone else's. I signed up for GMail. It looks decent.. the idea of starred messages is intriguing, and it is something that Rogers Yahoo! Mail does not have.

I like to experiment on people. Ever since I was a kid... I think most people have done it... stop calling someone just to see how long it'd take them to notice. I read in Microserfs that most people are too involved in their own lives to notice or think about another person's. I think this journal may help with that.

I am so low on empathy, and the main computer system will be down for an hour! The entire office is idle. Our busy bonus is draining with every second...

I wonder how this whole roleplaying thing is going to pan out. Richard still hasn't said a word about it. There are all these secret negotiations going on that I'm not party to. Maybe I shouldn't be party to. I'm sure Linda thinks I'm unworthy to handle anything from now on.

The Sims 2 was reviewed on GameSpot! How hot.. that means it'll be out soon... mmmmm. Ooh, and I'm almost down NWN: Hordes of the Underdark. What a great expansion. Much better than the Shadows of Undrentide even though that had some interesting elements. And I've got all the sexy ladies in my party.

I've been reading

I've been reading Microserfs, and it is really easy to locate myself in this book. Except it has me wondering whether a journal is actually helpful to the person writing it. Will I see patterns in my life if I stuck to a journal? I'm not sure.

It's interesting that the book focuses on the body so much. Believing in something is such a success trait nowadays... everyone wants to be someone who believes. Just like Mr. Jones. Was there ever a time when not believing was cool? The Rebel Without a Cause decade, I guess.

More than once I am forced to think about my writing.. my lack of writing. I haven't written anything in ages, even though I still carry my little Eyeore book around. That was my mishmash of journals, poems, and random notes I would take. Mostly from roleplaying sessions. I wonder if I'm losing touch with my soul, or my humanity, or humanity in general. I used to be very universal in the particulars of my writing. There are muddy cherios everywhere.

I worry about my promotion. I'm sure a lot of people liked the other candidate better. I can imagine the shock because Reg has been here about 3 years while I have 1.25 under my belt. Moreover, I'm not sure how he will feel. We joke a lot together now, but he can't be happy that they chose me instead.