He's got nobody left to believe

Somebody left an old rusty bike chain onto the sidewalk today. It was extremely rusted, and the rust tainted the snow around it. I felt sad as I walked past it.

I'm trying desperately not to develop a complex over this, but... I'm so weak. I asked Linda if she still wanted to hang out tonight even though we have no session, and she replied "To do what?". I never have an answer to that. To me, my goal is just to hang out and spend some time with her, so I figure we'll figure something out. But I think I'm just too boring... she still can't imagine anything we can do together. I'd be happy doing anything, but she wouldn't. It made me very sad, even though I know that is just the way she is. "If you'd like", "I don't know what we'd do though". Daggers.

Just put your tiny daggers in my heart.

I also had nightmares. I'm not sure if it was related... I had a little trouble sleeping after that. I dreamed of some great evil that a group of innocents (including me and apparently Nads) were trapped in, and I couldn't save them all. Nads told me that I was freaking out at night and I screamed her name and it scared her. I curled into her arms and went into another nightmare.

Every night I burn, every night I scream your name.

I'm so lucky to have her. I suffer the guilt of someone who knows that they are getting better than they deserve, and yet still want more.