But no, it's better to face these kinds of things

I wonder what the human fascination with lists is. Letterman, Sportscentre, music stations, online stores... everything has lists. It's like an ordered enumeration gives us... comfort? No. Something to discuss and contradict. They're easy to digest. There is some minor element of suspense. They let us in on another point of view.

I've had many great moments involving food, but the I've had very few experiences where the food was the defining element of the occassion. I've never had a great relationship with food... I don't really snack, I often just plain forget to eat even in the middle of eating, and I can resist hunger (maybe I'd do well as a vampire?). My top five food moments:

5. 1 pound of chicken wings from Wing Machine (90s?): For some reason, I remember this, because it was just so much food and I only finished half of it. It wasn't particularly amazing, but it was... plentiful. Partly though I think it's because this was a meal I ordered solely for myself and I would never do that otherwise.

4. Whole crab $8.99 (2004-ish): For my birthday, Keith took me to the special they had on green onion crab at a chinese restaurant. A whole crab to myself! I was in heaven.

3. Alaskan King Crab @ Fish House (90s): My mom was there, maybe her boyfriend, but I remember the crab came in these steel buckets. It was so delicious, and I think crab became my favourite food at this meal.

2. Live lobster in Vancouver (95-ish): This traumatizing meal is brought to you by Japanese people. I don't know which of my mother's sick friends ordered this, but I remember one of the aunties saw that the lobster, freshly chopped up into sections, was still moving, and proceeded to ask everyone to close their eyes and pray. I just kept staring in horror at the tentacles waving in the air, the legs slowly undulating. Even after the prayer, it was still moving, though with less enthusiasm. Even worse, it was the most delicious lobster I've ever tasted.

1. Crab legs extravaganza (2005): For my birthday, Nads made be like a billion curried crab legs. I had nothing but crab for like 2 meals! Just thinking about it makes my mouth water and my stomach feel full of crab meat.

The funny thing that I just realized last night (when I had crab with my godmother) is that I'm probably a tiny bit allergic to crab. There's always a semi-itchy feeling in the back of my throat after I eat it. But it's *so* worth it. Soft shell crabs, curried crabs, crab crabs... bacon wrapped crabs, baked crabs, boiled crabs... mmmm!

Zombies win "thriller" in SO

Last night, Dany Heatley netted his first goal as a Zombie in a 4-3 shootout win over their conference rivals the San Jose Sharks. You could not tell that the goal won't count on the statistics though.

"I just carried some speed into the zone and shot it as hard as I could," Heatley explained modestly. "I got a bit lucky."

The skilled 26 year-old winger joined the Zombies in a blockbuster trade that saw Sergei Samsonov, who had only played two games with the team, head the other way. The move was the last of a series of roster-shattering moves that surprised many hockey fans.

"I thought we were done when we got rid of Thornton and acquired Satan, but apparently management had some other demonic plans in mind," laughed Wes Craven (maniacally).

The Zombies had sent the oldest member of the FNG line, Jason Spezza, and the Offensive Dynamo, Nick Shultz, to the Penguins in return for the big centre, but promptly made a three-way trade to acquire the players back.

"It's nice to be a Zombie again. Less thinking," jokes Spezza in a light practice yesterday. "I was really getting attached to Moncton and I hope to never leave again."

Team co-captain Patrick Marleau looks to rejoin his teammates sometime this week after being mauled in the ankle by linemate Iginla. "I heard the whistle but I guess Iggy was just caught up in a bloodlust. The next thing I knew I was out 2-4 weeks."

"I don't know what happened," Iginla protests guiltily. "I swear I didn't do anything."

The injury-ridden zombies will be missing their top two centres next game, as well as Iginla. Coach Craven suspects foul play. "Some of our rivals may have employed some clerics to rebuke or command us. I hope the league investigates."

I think we're alone here, you and I

Here I am again; in my space. Why do I not document my life as diligently as I used to? I know it wasn't that frequent before, but now I almost avoid it. What brings me here now?

Sometimes I think of something to write here... something clever or witty I wished to record. But then, when I get a chance to do it, when I literally think, "I should blog about that right now", some insidious advisor convinces me otherwise.

There is a growing worry inside of me that i'm becoming a bit of an ass. I always mean to do or say things jokingly, but I should seize the opportunities to do nice things. One of the most effective ways to tell who you are is to look back upon the decisions you've made or the actions you took, pretend someone else did those things, and then ask what kind of person you think this phantom reflection is. Most people start the other way, from the inside, but it leaves room for self-deception. I mean, this process allows for self-deception as well, as any process that only involves the self will permit, but it provides an accurate compass.

She's just someone's favourite daughter

I don't know why, but my annoyance at the sheer reactivity and incompetence at work is growing. Often growing to levels at which I find myself complaining, which I usually never do. My department isn't so bad, but the rest of the company seems to just be content until something goes hideously wrong.

On the other hand, the project I'm currently working on is very exciting. Fun with Swing!

We celebrated Chris' birthday last weekend. It was good times, and most of us got him board games. Power Grid, Ra, Hacienda... Linda got him a shirt. I'm feeling quite cruddy that I basically forced a ride from Chris today. Being a leech taxes on your karma, maybe. I'm very oblivious to my karma, usually. I wish I had some money to do nice things for people who help me out more frequently. I mean, with Linda I can write a letter, or do crazy things like make a fake monster manual for her. But you can't do that kind of stuff with *guys*.

I need to get back to writing.

She has the smoke in her eyes

Linda's housewarming last night was an interesting event for me. I have not been in a social situation with a large number of people unknown to me in quite a while. There were some cool people there, and some who were not so cool. I think the weirdest moment of the night must've been talking with Linda's other roleplaying group. The GM was clearly very intelligent. However, after discovering that I had known Linda for 11 years, they (the GM and some player guy) started talking to me about Linda's boobs!

The conversation went something like:

Me: Yeah, we know you as the "group she dresses up for" (I go on to explain the story)
GM: Back when we still knew her as the "token girl player", she once wore a really distracting sweater. I couldn't get the attention of my players (poor summary).
Me (thinking maybe it was bright pink or something like that): What do you mean?
GM: How do I put this? It showed off certain of her good qualities.
Me (stubborn): I don't get it.
GM: , help me out here... She's well endowed, etc.

Do people talk to you about your sister's breasts at her housewarming party? I didn't know if I should punch him or what, but it really weirded me out. I didn't talk to the GM again for the rest of the evening after I managed to exit the room.

I think Alex and Elan were pretty cool, though. I didn't get all that drunk once again... I've developed this stopping mechanism that I never had before. Chris seemed to be the biggest hit at the party out of the three of us. I told him unconsciousness would get him all the fly honies, but I guess I was wrong. Molly likes to stare at herself in the mirror.

and mary mcgregor, she was a pretty whore

I didn't get as drunk as I expected last night. I wasn't even that tired when I got home at around 4 in the morning. I woke up early this morning, despite protest from my sagging and dry ocular orbs. But it was a good St. Patrick's night. Mark, Tim, Linda, Chris and I did nothing but sit around and talk (with a bit of Kevin Smith at the end), but it was still fantastic.

There is a lot to catch up on, but my memory is shaky. The usual and easy thing would probably be to document the events and my impressions of them in chronological order, but I sometimes like making games of things so I'm going to try to record them by person (not sorted).

Nads: Still searching for a job. I pray she finds one soon. I've been impressed with her exercise regimen recently although she broke from it two nights ago (with good cause). Things have been spectacular at home and I am often worried about our future.

Linda: I was really glad to see her again two weeks ago. We had not seen each other, had not even a palaver for two months. The sundering of our roleplaying group tends to do that... often I had thought that roleplaying was the only reason we were still hanging out. Many other dark thoughts, such as Tim doesn't like me, vied for attention in my crowded mind (that may be true). Beyond my fears of inadequacy, though, I was just plain elated to talk with her again. And she gave me an awesome top that lights up. It's an office crowd-pleaser. I remember the night ended with Tim and Linda ditching us for some of her other friends and a dark rave of some sort, but I can understand. From her LJ, Tim's friends seem to adore her. I'm really glad that's turning out for Tim as well... it's tough to have a significant other that doesn't get along with your friends.

Their trip to Orlando sounded like a blast. The Universal theme park there sounded amazing! All the rides they described were very creative. And Linda got me a shot glass of the Dueling Dragons ride (it has my name on it).

From our conversation last night, her work situation is deteriorating. I wish the best for her, whether that be schooling (cognitive science sounds neat) or pursuing a new career (although she's convinced she's gone as far as she could without a degree). My attempts to encourage her may seem like unnecessary pressure though, and I know she dislikes being asked about progress on things of that nature.

Mark and Chris: They are both working with me now, and it fulfills me, though not to the degree I would expect. Ever since the teenage years, one of my desires was to work together with the gang to complete some kind of project. Whether it was the Toronto Gaming page or just something completely wacky, I wanted to finish something. We never had it in us though. Having Chris and Mark at work are great. We play board games at lunch, it's convenient for us to hang out after work, and I finally get to witness the results of the application of their bright intellects. Chris has already come up with some great algorithms and Mark, despite only having worked a couple of days, is setting up some AJAX coolness. It's still not a project that's born of our own co-operation, though, and that may be what's missing. No matter what, we're still working for someone else.

It was completely fine with Chris because I still haven't known him that long, but it's a little weirder with Mark. What would I say to him in a one on one meeting? It must be weird for them too, to be working under your friend. I personally would be glad to work for a friend, I think... but I just like being around my friends, regardless of environment and circumstance. Is it hard to work for someone you know to be your intellectual inferior?

Ellen: Ellen and I have weird blurts of conversation. We'll randomly talk to each other, randomly stop (perhaps purposefully). We won't see each other for months, and then sometimes gather in consecutive months. She's already tired of her new job, and rightfully so. In some ways she is the most predictable friend I have, but I still feel like I cannot read her. Maybe I just do not want to interpret her true nature. Maybe I should take the cognitive science program.

Like satellites with laser beams from above

These things are really cool. Please fill them out, although of course I am way more interested in the Nohari. I promise I won't take it personally.

Diss me up... and then Praise me!

I've come down with Olympic fever again. I'm so proud of the under-sponsored athletes who have to work at Walmart to make ends meet. Also, our men's hockey team is pretty much busted and I predict gold (even though it won't be as easy as last time at Salt Lake City).

Working with Chris is tons of fun. Even though I have been really busy we still play a board game at lunch. Mike is in on it too now, which is really cool. Peter is not so keen on the different board games but he seems to like Samurai. I don't really understand why he is so quick to judge and dumb down everything other than chess.

I am in an unhappy place right now. With Nads jobless again my heart falls a little bit every time I look at my bank balances. She says she's going to start looking in March, that she wants the month off, but really, which adult gets a whole month off? Plus it's almost guaranteed that she'll also waste March since I doubt there will be a job just waiting for her. She has these grand (and wonderful) aspirations about a family and opening her spa (which sounds really cool), but I just don't see how we're going to get her there. I should get around to posting for some part-time work. I think I can help people with resumes and interviewing skills. I really just want to help people for free, though... and I often think that if a stranger was in a bad situation and asked me to do it then I'd help them anyway. But then, my true reservations are that no one will want my help anyway. I mean, what do I really know, you know?

Make me laugh. Say you know what you want.

Stand up for Canada. Bow to the States.

That was the complete Conservative slogan. I think any rational Canadian understands that a large part of the Canadian identity is that we are not American. And we are on the path to losing that part of identity. As terrible as it may be to define yourself as not someone else, at least it was ours.

Whatever a minority may not accomplish, the fact is that Canada would rather lose their identity and risk external abuse and direction rather than suffering some abuse from within. It shows me that our country doesn't have the will to say, "we'd rather die than join you." How do we vote in a man who apologized on our behalf for not invading Iraq? That, to me, is a much larger betrayal than the fact that Martin set up some foreign companies. Harper wasn't even Prime Minister yet. He had no right to speak for Canadians. But who knows, maybe there is majority support for the war in Iraq in Canada.

I watched an interview with one of the Conservative winners, and he said that he felt people responded to their positive campaign. Which fucking campaign was he in? I haven't seen one commercial that did not mention the corrupt Liberals. There would be more positives in HIV tests given to virgins.

There is some anger in me. I am partly angry at the west, who could so wholeheartedly support the Reform party. I am angry at the Bloq, because their party is based on the most ridiculous proposition, and they are taking valuable Liberal seats. But I'm mostly just... sad. I had such faith that Canada would make the right choice.

How many fates turn around in the overtime?

In rank order. If there is a tie, it’s up to you to decide.


LIBERAL PARTY OF CANADA
7 of your answers match the ideas of this party: health care, employment insurance, taxes, education, relations with provinces, gun control, environment .


BLOC QUÉBÉCOIS
2 of your answers match the ideas of this party: national defence, international aid .


NEW DEMOCRATIC PARTY
2 of your answers match the ideas of this party: early childhood, parliamentary reform .


CONSERVATIVE PARTY OF CANADA
1 of your answers match the ideas of this party: economy .

Peel out the watchword just peel out the watchword

My dream last night, at one point, involved people who were dressed up as superheroes playing hockey against robots. They were very serious about pretending to be the superheroes, so the Superman lookalike was skating around in the Superman flying pose.

Nads got a trial at a spa tomorrow. I will be the happiest dude in the world if she gets this gig. 

And you know you're gonna lie to you in your own way

Hummingbird Spirit Calls To You!
Hummingbird
represents optimism and sweetness.
Being able to roll with the punches is an attribute
of Hummingbird.

Hummingbirds's Wisdom Includes:


Ability to heal by using light as a laser from
mouth


Endurance over long journeys


Ability to fly into small places to heal


Joy


Happiness


Love


Messenger, stopper of time.

If you enjoyed
this quiz, please rate and I may do another!



Animal Spirit Guides ~ Which One Calls To You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your apocalypse was fab

High Boltage: New Year's Eve. Fun with Picasa!

Take my photo off the wall if it just won't sing for you

Played tons of Half-Life:Source today. Yes, I've never played the original all the way through so I'm going back. The good news is Source has better graphics and I can turn the settings all the way up, whereas when it was first release I woke up extra early and huddled in front of Mark's computer to experience what would be the best game of that year, and some claim ever. After about four hours of play, I'm at the part I was when I left off at his house. I can't believe I played four hours there.

A new query in life: Can relationships (not just between lovers) survive without tradition? Lately I've been trying to piece together a tradition that the original Gang of Four (oh, Java joke!) has, and I've come up empty. It's shameful to think about them in this light, but interlopers have changed, mixed, added to our traditions and now we have nothing. Certainly, I don't mind new people and I accept them fully, and I really like them to boot. But there's always been a desire (within me) to stay really close to the GoF, and that just doesn't happen with a larger group. It can't happen. I think about Ottawa, and how much fun it was last year. I seriously doubt we will go this year, and if we do go it will likely include Chris and Tim. Will we then get seperate rooms? Is it even tradition after only one year? It is obvious that tradition keeps relations and families together... but does not A imply not B?

Cause love's such an old-fashioned word

I am Jack's chest cold.

My mom worries me to no end these days. Everytime I meet her she starts bawling her eyes out about how negligent I am in my filial duties. She thinks Nads disrepects her and is avoiding her (the latter is true). Her closest friends (my godmother amoung them) have abandoned her... though she claims that she does not want to contact them. She feels slighted, and I can't tell if it's imagined or not. All I can tell is that I cannot forgive them for not being kind to her, even if they are right to do so. If they abandon my mother then they will have nothing to do with me, either. Many days I get scared when the phone rings. I fear it is someone telling me she has killed herself. I imagine I would be shocked, cry from a mix of grief and relief, and feel guilty the rest of my life. Nads won't help me.

On to happier news, my Christmas loot from the gang include: Civ IV SE (from Chris), Half-Life 2 and a t-shirt (from Richard), a really cool electronic top (from Linda), and "The Wind-up Bird Chronicle" (from Mark). Civ IV is the best game ever and the top is awesome, and I'm pretty sure I'll like Half-Life 2 and the book even though I have yet to experience them. As I was explaining to my co-worker, Christmas is now pretty much over for me, as far as gifts go. I'll get more gifts from my in-laws, but the really cool gifts that I know I'll love come from the gang. In-laws get you the necessities like sweaters and other clothing, which is good too, but it's hard to be excited about it. I also feel really terrible that Chris spent so much on my gift and I only got him one Doctor Who DVD... had I but known beforehand! Also it was a bit awkward that Richard and I together got Mark a Civ IV SE but Chris seemed to find it cheaply at Best Buy. I mean, it's not definitely not his fault and I am glad he is in such a spirit of giving, and I certainly don't mind scoring Civ IV SE, but I wish I had more money to reciprocate the kindness.

In either case, hopefully I can repay him with a contract opportunity at work. The prospect of working with a close friend worries me a little bit, but I'm excited. Fun times at work!

Somebody get insurance, to take good care of me

Karli got me Action Pact and Pretty Together for Christmas. What a gal! I feel so bad that I didn't know so I did not get her anything. Christmas always brings up these kinds of issues. I don't really know who to get gifts for. I just thank the gods that Nads handles all of her family's gifting. I pondered getting gifts for my lackeys, but I don't really know what they like... except David likes chess, Peter likes hockey/football, and... maybe I should get Muhammad something to do with software development? All I know is that I wouldn't feel right giving any of them anything unless I can give them all something.

I'm pretty excited about giving gifts to the gang, though. As usual I am ultra paranoid that they won't like it. Except Mark. I'm positive he'll like his present.... oh, and Chris too.

I think my connection with Nads is deepening.

On an unrelated note, we watched three movies this weekend: Memoirs of a Geisha, City Hunter, and 40-Year Old Virgin. MoaG wasn't as terrible as expected, but it was still pretty horrible. The more I think about it, the more I dislike it. I mean, who cares what happens to the protagonist? She was not a good person, and the only reason we were supposed to root for her was because she had a hard childhood? Please. I did like the wily, greedy Mother though. I think the acting was good, but I was constantly distracted by the fact that the film was not in Japanese. City Hunter was a little better, and they did manage to recreate a wacky anime feel, but overall it was just a bit too much consecutive silliness. The Street Fighter 2 part of the movie was amusing though. The 40-Year Old Virgin was mildly amusing. There were bits of clever dialogue here and there, but if you haven't seen it you're not missing much. It's pretty much your standard romance/comedy: protagonist has an embarassing secret that he's not sure his object of affection will accept, lets it insidiously ruin the perfect relationship, and then reveals it for happily ever after. I will give it credit, though: I have never seen such accurate portrayals of boners in a feature length film.

that they'll never do the things that they wish they could do so well

I have my wishlist up at amazon.com

I chose to do it at .com instead of .ca since they have more stuff, but naturally i don't really care where the products come from. I don't usually like putting in messages for other people here, since I still want this as my personal journal.

So, back to regular programming.

I visited Ellen today. Her ovaries are intact. i'm glad we are comfortable enough that we can talk about her ovaries. We laughed a lot as we are prone to do... there was some disclosure of personal stuff. Some bonding, some complaining about work. Boy, is her company in bad shape. I really hope she had fun, even though we didn't do much but talk. Breaking the monotony of recovery and saving her from daytime TV (everybody gets one!).

When I called her to tell her I was coming today, she seemed surprised. She thought I was just saying I was going to visit in our previous correspondence. Am I some kind of insincere monster?

The modded gang (+Tim -Richard) had some good times on Monday. We actually beat the Lord of the Rings co-operative board game... man it was hard. I realized how uncomfortable with any sort of attention, even good attention near the end of the night when everyone was laughing at some wacky thing i did (i wasn't thinking).

You keep lying when you ought to be truthing

My current seven ideal Jeopardy categories:

• Lose weight without trying
• 2 habits of highly effective people
• Hibernate 3 and MyFaces 1.1.1
• Mounting colossi
• Frugal futility
• Disappointment is a 14 letter word
  

Where would we walk? Where would we run?

I like taking the same tests as my friends and seeing if we get similar results. These are tests from Linda's livejournal... we both have Butterfly eyes, but her life is a whopping .3 higher!

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.3
Mind:	6.7
Body:	5.3
Spirit:	6.8
Friends/Family:	5.3
Love:	7.3
Finance:	7.2
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

BUTTERFLY EYES

You have Butterfly
Eyes!
Positive Traits: Thoughtful,
Intelligent, Humble, Clever, Open
Minded
Negative Traits: Elitist,
Conceited, Apathetic, Cold, Sarcastic


Your eyes are the windows to your soul. What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla

I've got a full tank and some chips

For some reason the first thing I thought of when I woke up today were the three moments of my life that I felt the most ditched (even though I pretty much never think on this subject, they came to me almost immediately):

#3: When I was about 8, I was arguing with my mom about something on the way to her car in a plaza, and she just drove off without me.

#2: In one of the first New Years Eves that I celebrated with the gang, they decided to see a movie, but I don't think I knew which one... I was a bit late and found no one waiting outside the entrance for me, so I just went home. I realize it was my fault for being late, but "the movie was starting" never seemed like a good enough reason for me.

#1: When I was 7 or 8, I found out that my dad was not coming over to Canada to live with us. I just accepted it the way kids do. In typical chinese fashion, my dad cited money reasons... there was more money to be made in Hong Kong, and he could support me better from there. He was wrong. I never really understood it growing up. I didn't blame myself or anything, which seems to be all the rage in movies and tv shows or whatever. I'd probably smack someone who tried to tell me it's not my fault over my parent's divorce and my dad abandoning me in Canada. I think my dad was frightened of leaving his entire life behind, and the only environment he had known... and maybe that's why I'm so amazed when people want to pick up and move to another country. Is fear inherited? I mean, I cite my love for everything here as the reason, but who knows. I'm a complicated man.

Looking over your shoulder, so you'll see I'm there

I am at a critical stage. I want to be certified next week. I still need to get my Shuffle fixed. It's also the time of year when I want stuff. I want to subscribe to the NHL Network. I want to subscribe to Pandora. I wanted to see Jakalope in concert. I think I will steel my will and get non of these.

Mark has a job, which is terrific, even though the company he's working for is sucky. He seems a bit happier since, and his proximity to Linda probably helps. They're hanging out again and seem happier for doing so. Less importantly, I've been pushed into obscurity once again (<-- this could be paranoia). I don't want to sound like a kid dealing with less attention. I never had much attention.

Jen is doing this big presentation for some conference. It sounds really exciting and I wish I could go to watch her. I'll probably start hollering inappropriate things though like "wooooooh!" or "Moncton Zombieeees for Life!".

I'm so occupied developing at work these days that I'm worried I'm not doing enough of my managerial duties correctly. I certainly screwed up when I was late for a one on one meeting with the new CEO... man am I dumb. He's a hard person to read as he doesn't smile alot, but he seems like a cool enough guy and certainly very capable. I've been sucked into hawWoWe'en