Tuesday, May 13, 2008

If I had a funeral, would you even care?

I don't know why I can't go back to sleep, but it sucks. It is now 04:54, and I have been awake for about half an hour. No, I've been awake longer than that, I just decided that it was pointless to try to get back to sleep half an hour ago.

A few things led to this. One, I'm crazy and obsessive and I am agonizing over either working on a crappy crappy laptop with XP on it or turning on UAC and jumping through various hoops on my regular laptop in order to do the current project for work (thanks Quickbooks, I hate you). Second, the temperature is just cold enough that I can't not have a cover (fun fact: I always need a cover to sleep, even if it's just a thin bed sheet) but using my regular cover means I overheat just very slightly after a while. Then, to really seal the deal when I was sleeping after making a decision about problem One, my dreams decided to take me to unhappy land.

I dreamed that Nads was dead. The details were hidden from me, and I could only feel sadness and pain. I imagined myself crumpled in the shower, convincing myself to survive for Jasmine's sake. I thought about how I was going to feed Jasmine, how I would get her to sleep without Nads around. Pictures jumped around in my mind and they painted a picture an artistic and tortured undead may paint, but thankfully I woke up before I started to actually cry. But at this point, I was wide awake and didn't want to go back to those dreams again, and kept my eyes open. And here I am.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I Love You.