That is just more bad news cause I'd really rather die

I've already worked 50 hours this week. Only 37.5 more hours to go. Poor Chris is also working these hours, except he also drives me home. I feel bad that he seems to have lost his DS... I hope it turns up.

On other fronts, Ellen should be coming home soon. I have not received an email from her... I can only assume that she has not found an appropriate internet cafe. Haven't received a postcard either... I think to myself: "if she doesn't send me one, what does it mean?"
It means nothing is new.

I always have these dreams in which I'm inappropriately naked. Usually I am hidden - under covers or something... rarely I dream I get on the bus without pants or something. It causes a lot of anxiety throughout what is supposed to be my resting period. Last night I dreamt that Mark and Linda were visiting, and we were watching TV and I went under covers. Some time later, when I wanted to get up and get a drink or something, I realized that I no longer had my shorts on. I figured I must've taken them off as soon as I was covered by the blanket, but I couldn't figure out why I left my shorts on the other side of the couch. So I tried to casually walk over (keeping covered), and retrieved them. The rush was embarassment woke me up a little but I didn't dream of their reactions - there was too much focus on my own problems and avoided their gazes.

Baa Baa, Black Sheep

I feel distant. I didn't really have a chance to analyze it when I was seeing both Mark and Chris everyday, but it had burrowed itself inside a little cache somewhere within my being and insidiously taken over. For now I can hide from it with DVR looming so large at work, but I know that even talking to Ellen before she left, and seeing Linda again for the first time in a long while did little to diminish it.

Will it get worse now that Mark is in the Petes and Ellen visiting China for the month? It's this weird sensation... I don't feel connected to anyone (except Nads of course, we are always bound). I feel like other people are weaving their webs, carefully avoiding me, and I am unable to weave my own. I go around happily, and like everything else, I am able to forget it most of the time, but it's there. It is pinning itself to every activity - just a tiny little post-it note to remind me that either I am elsewhere or everyone else is.